i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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