4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
