She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
