I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
