If that was your dad, he is hot
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
