just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
