Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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