There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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