I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
