2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
