Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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