I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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