nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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