FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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