she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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