I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
