i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
