i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
