So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
