Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
