you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
