I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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