I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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