She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
