There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
