i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
