Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
