in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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