My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
should my penis look like a turkey
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
