A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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