Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
