Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw a hot homeless man
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
