well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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