I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
