My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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