i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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