Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
