My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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