you guys were way drunker than both of me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize