capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
