If that was your dad, he is hot
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
