I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
