She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
