I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Floor bacon is actually really good
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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