I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
