i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
