1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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