I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
