you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
