South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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