Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
