I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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