I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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