If i come over, it means nothing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
