did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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