Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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