moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize