And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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