I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
