Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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